A diary of a man who slept for his first 20 years

This will be a very very very very serious site. In case anyone out there can get something out of this. Perhaps you have been or is in a similar situation as I have been in. Pretty much the first 20 years of my life was wasted. Not because I spent a lot of time playing video games. Mostly because I was stuck in a rigid world made of thoughts. Why I did it is unsure. How it happened idk. All I know is that after taking some LSD I was awakened to life. That I became conscious of life itself. It is like a video game character suddenly realising that they exist in a game. Before I was heavily invested in the character's story. This story was a negative one. I did not know myself at all. I was living a life built around a self-image. I had many dogmatic thoughts that I was unaware of. I was unaware of many things. I was not able to emotionally connect to others. I am now learning to emotionally connect to others. Idk when to connect and when not to. Today I was working with my totally hot babe co-worker. Suddenly when talking I noticed it was possible to let my awareness rest on her. As if all my attention was placed just on her. Nothing else mattered. The longer I attended to her, the more real she became. I noticed something very very interesting. But I was unsure if this was the right thing to do. The reason is that she has a boyfriend and I felt like trespassing. Idk cuz as I said, I have not learned how to connect with others so idk if this is something which is accepted to do with anyone or just GF and/or other intimite relations. If anyone reading this can give answers regarding this phenomenon, I would be very grateful (send me PM or something).



But it most def felt good! I also felt attached to this person. I was aware of it. I noticed how I started moving differently. As if my personal goal was to keep being attached to her as much as I could. Moving fast when away to quickly come back and work with her. But I started thinking as remembered Buddha. To not let attachment overtake me. Maybe this is a wrong move. I mean, surely there is a reason for the saying "If you meet the Buddha, kill him". My interpretation of this saying is that actually we shouldn't rely on any figure when it comes to truth. But surely Buddha has been somewhat helpful? I find him a really really cool figure. Sometimes when I feel like I have been very disciplined (saying no to the cookie) I imagine one of the picture of him. I feel like a Buddha then :D



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